I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
