I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
