Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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