It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
