Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
handjob tips. give me some.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
