Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
