There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
