; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
