Four minutes until I can fart!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
