i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
