he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
