i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
well you can't waste a boner
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
