i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
