i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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