I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
