when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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