There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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