Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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