You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
