We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
