She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
