You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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