My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
