He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
