I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
