why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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