You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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