"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
