im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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