atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
