i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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