Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize