Cold hands, warm shart.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
