woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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