My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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