somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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