Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
