Where are you?
In a non slutty way
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
