1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
