They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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