I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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