I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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