It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
