don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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