Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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