There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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