Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
