someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
