yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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