ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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