My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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