The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
