So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
