I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
