She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
should my penis look like a turkey
a search helicopter?!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
