So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
