he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
