I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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