Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
